Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Prophecy

I had a weird dream last night. This is itself is not unusual. I have a very active night mind, and frequently inflict "last night I dreamt" stories on my family over breakfast, though I try to keep them to a minimum with friends and coworkers lest you all realize how truly crazy I am. But last night I dreamt that my sisters and I were shopping in a hardware store, when I noticed a dusty freezer case in the back. When opened, it turned out to be full of giant two-gallon tubs of Blue Bell ice cream, in chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, and, oddly, pistachio. We were overcome with joy and immediately started trying to figure out how to bring home as much as humanly possible with nothing but our own brute strength and a little wire shopping trolley.

For those of you who are not familiar with Blue Bell ice cream, let me first say that I pity you. Blue Bell is the very best supermarket ice cream out there, hands down. I'm not going to say there aren't some fine handcrafted Italian gelati that can't beat it out, because there are, but if your ice cream comes in a cardboard tub from a freezer case it had better be Blue Bell baby. It's rich, dense, creamy, and still a hefty half-gallon instead of an air-puffed quart and a half. But sadly, many of you are not familiar with Blue Bell, because it's only sold in a handful of mostly-Southern states.

This is where the prophecy comes in. In my post-slumber Blue Bell-related googling, I came across a news tidbit that will make at least my sister's dreamed-up ice cream joy into a reality: Blue Bell just announced that they are opening up distribution facilities in Virginia. That's not quite close enough to make it to her perch in the District, but nothing a quick road trip can't fix. Still, I'm totally willing to claim my dream predicted it. I mean, my dream is way closer to reality than all that stuff about fat cows and skinny cows, and that made it into the Bible. Quick results too - take that, Nostradamus!

In other creamy confectionery news, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is under fire for spending $2,700 of public funds annually on ice cream. Bibi's favorite flavor is, oddly, pistachio. It seems like a pretty small number in the grand scheme of things, but it would buy an awful lot of ice cream. I really hope he's sharing. On the other hand, I'm sure both Presidents Bush spent more than that during their terms in office flying Blue Bell in for White House receptions, but from the leader of the free world I would expect nothing less than the best.

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